The good news is, I sleep at twelve and wake up at five-thirty and I feel less like a wreck. In early mornings I lie very still and close my eyes and think of the vast victoria harbour, a dark red junk floating on blue green waves ebbing, the skyline is shrouded in a light fog. The silence is deafening but I am safe behind glass windows up twelve stories. Some mornings the sunlight is golden, it falls on the glass coffee table and forms rainbows on the soft heather carpet beneath my feet
I spent about seven hours in starbucks today, drinking green tea lattes and soy banana muffins and feeling for once in control. The post-its on my laptop remind me of things I have not done, and I realise so much of my unhappiness stems from all these inordinate expectations. Whose expectations? I don't know any more. I would be happy to dispense with them and live a simple life. I thought I would have known better after all that has happened, but maybe i shouldn't expect this of myself either
I took a walk down to the deli at the evening hour, by the long way through the residential area. There is a buddhist temple on the way and I remembered the last time I was there and other things. As I was walking I spotted a lady in an orange garb from afar. For a moment I thought she was a nun heading towards the temple, but when I caught up with her after turning the corner I saw her walk into one of the condominiums and open the door into the security guard house. It was very absurd, because fleetingly I was quite certain of what she was, and yet it turned out otherwise.
I have been on pinterest for hours on end! Such a bad time
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