Rare moments like these I can breathe a sigh of relief. Sitting outside Coffee Bean & Tea Leaf, fingers still slightly cold from the chill inside the cafe.

I spent the afternoon with a schoolmate I have not met in years. (It seems like I have been doing a fair bit of catching up with old friends.) We sat mostly in silence doing our work, occasionally discussing about school and the people we used to know. I do miss her - she is one of those people that I could let my self go easily, although now the years have passed and its never quite the same. She still looks the same way as she did 6 years ago (and i must have looked the same to her as well. She asked, "do you trim your own bangs? You've been maintaining it for years"), but studying in private school has left her with a slight american drawl.

I grew sick of the sugar-laden, too-dense drinks from these cafés. Today I had a warm cup of vanilla ceylon tea for a change and it was light, pleasantly aromatic and kept me sufficiently warm. I bought some golden raisins from the grocer that looked extremely juicy, so that was what became of my snack of the day.

A few days ago I attempted to do run in the blazing three o'clock sun. It left me with a pounding headache exacerbated by my gum infection. I was reduced to a irritable heap curled up in bed in pain after that, with so much self-loathing festering within me (it still is), which I have concealed under layers of acerbity directed unfortunately to the people I care most about.

It has been close to a month since i last had any intensive exercise, and everyday I look in the mirror with fear. The way things have developed proved to be strangely unsettling - the run I was supposed to do last sunday never happened because of the rain. Another 10km in december has been forgone due to travel plans. And the one this weekend looks unlikely given my current physical condition. Does this spell the end of my running routine? I can't remember when it turned from a joyful experience to one which resounded with fear and self-hatred and guilt