Had a minor emotional breakdown after receiving a letter from the police force asking me to turn up for an inquiry yesterday, which I clearly didn't. Having failed to comply I have apparently violated clause 5 or something and in effect committed an offence. Culmination of the day's miseries and now this official-looking government document stating that I have apparently breached the law ended in tears. Fortunately Mother worked her negotiating skills and all is well, I will be heading down tomorrow morning.

I feel marginally better now. Today was not a good day. This is not my place and I'm not sure who I am anymore. Everyday there is a conflict in my mind of goals, between my insecurities/my fears/my need for control, and what I should do/what is right for me.

Pessoa always has something relevant to say, if I may quote,
"I'm lost if I find myself; I doubt what I discover; I don't have what I've obtained. I sleep as if I were taking a walk, but I'm awake. I wake up as if I'd been sleeping, and I don't belong to me. Life, in its essence, is one big insomnia, and all we think or do occurs in lucid stupor."

and always some what comforting,

"Let's sit down here. From here we can see more of the sky. The vast expanse of these starry heights is soothing. Life hurts less as we look at them; a whiff of air form an invisible fan refreshes our life-wearied face."