January 1, 2011
Some days I feel like I will never find peace. I could dispense with this melodrama. I don't know if I am waiting for someone or something to affirm that there is really something wrong. I feel like I have lost my sense of self. This time it is my future and I don't know what to do, where I will go, am I good enough. I feel like I am becoming a burden to the people I care most about. It is a fight between this need for sympathy/empathy and my desire to be on my own. But I am now too tired to even think. Like a cloud had descended. Like a wave of inertia.
November 16, 2010
frank o'hara
"I’ve got to get out of here. I choose a piece of shawl and my dirtiest suntans. I’ll be back, I'll re-emerge, defeated, from the valley; you don’t want me to go where you go, so I go where you don’t want me to. It’s only afternoon, there’s a lot ahead.
October 20, 2010
i was happy in the haze of a drunken hour but heaven knows i'm miserable now
Why is it so smoky outside? The sun this morning was an orange orb and the smell recalled cold december mornings in india, hurrying across the school lawn with uncovered knees cold and hoodies up to our ears. I miss travelling around. Tomorrow i have to find another place to disappear, but before that i have to figure out how to sleep. This morning I woke with one eye significantly puffier than the other
October 14, 2010
October 7, 2010
eggers
"She closed her eyes. Opened them, closed them. She could end this world or allow it. This was a moment when a believer, a thoughtful believer, would think of God's work, and how good it was.
The waves were perfect to the right and perfect to the left."
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